Need a break from job hunting? Spend a few minutes reading funny resume mistakes! Don’t worry, we aren’t going to take excerpts from anyone we’ve worked with. These funny resume mistakes were found online and the people responsible for them have remained anonymous. While they provide a great giggle, they also highlight the importance of proofreading your resume and not being too honest in how you present yourself.
Funny Resume Mistakes, Act I: Typos
If you don’t find the errors on your resume, hiring managers will. These funny resume typos sure demonstrate that fact! They come courtesy of the University of Kent’s informative yet funny career services site.
- i am a prefectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.
- Proven ability to track down and correct erors.
- Lurnt Word Perfect computor and spreadsheet pogroms.
- Develop an annual operating expense fudget.
- In my 3rd year of BA houners English.
Funny Resume Mistakes, Act II: Incorrect Word Selection
Spell check may have been able to catch the above errors, but the errors below are technically not misspellings. The job seekers responsible for the funny resume mistakes you’re about to read used the right words in the wrong ways. When you see them, you’ll understand why it’s important to ask a human to look over your resume.
These quotes also come from the University of Kent’s career services page:
- Received a plague for salesman of the year
- My role included typing in details of accounts, customer liaison and money-laundering duties.
- I was a prefect and pier mentor
- Extra Circular Activities
- At secondary school I was a prefix
- In my spare time I enjoy hiding my horse
- Dear Madman (instead of Madam)
- My hobbits include
- Oversight of an entire department
- Restaurant skills: Severing customers
- I’m an accurate and rabid typist
- Abilty to meet deadlines while maintaining my composer
- I have a degree in orgasmic chemistry.
- Instrumental in ruining an entire operation for a chain operator
- Suspected to graduate early next year
- (For a PR job) I have a long term interest in pubic relations
- As indicted, I have over 5 years of analysing investments.
- I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience
- i am a conscious individual with good attention to detail
Funny Resume Mistakes, Act III: Excessive Honesty
The following funny resume mistakes and cover letter snafus aren’t typos, but they are great examples of TMI —too much information. An important rule in resume writing and cover letter writing is you should never say anything negative about yourself or a previous employer, even if you think you can do it in a humorous way. This includes information the average person would perceive as negative. These folks just didn’t get it.
The following examples come from Things People Said, a funny quote website.
- Graduated in the top 66% of my class.
- Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel.
- Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president’s girlfriend could steal my job.
- Previous experience: Self-employed — a fiasco.
- Work history: Bum. Abandoned belongings and led nomadic lifestyle.
- Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word ‘paranoia.’ I prefer to elaborate privately.
- My ruthlessness terrorized the competition and can sometimes offend.
- I am quick at typing, about 25 words per minute.
- Special Skills: Speak English.
- Exposure to German for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business.
- Please disregard the attached resume — it is terribly out of date.
- It’s best for employers that I not work with people.
- Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down some. If I am not one of the best, I will look for another opportunity.
- I am relatively intelligent, obedient, and as loyal as a puppy.
- I need just enough money to have pizza every night.
- I’ll need $30K to start, full medical, three weeks vacation, stock options and ideally a European sedan.
- I realize that my total lack of appropriate experience may concern those considering me for employment.
- I’ll starve without a job but don’t feel you have to give me one.
Yes, funny resume mistakes are definitely entertaining, but also serve as an important warning to job hunters. Always spell check your resume before sending it out, but don’t stop there. Spell check will not catch certain issues, such as words used in an incorrect and possibly hilarious way. Make sure a human looks over your resume, too. A trustworthy human should also be able to warn you if you’re being inappropriately honest in your resume or cover letter.
Of course, you want your resume to be memorable and attract attention from hiring managers, but not like this!